How to be authentic and confident
Jo Emerson is an expert in confidence, based in the UK who helps people reach their potential in an authentic way. Many of Jo’s clients have got lost in the cultural soup of shoulds and what we should be doing, which makes them unhappy. Jo helps people find what is truly inside them on a personal level.
Jo’s view is that the only way to be truly confident is to be who you actually are and this is authenticity.
Our culture teaches us that confidence is loud, brash and in your face. People that are like that are often wearing a mask and are not true to who they are. For Jo confidence is the ability to say ‘I am struggling’, ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I am not great in this area….’ and for that to be OK. When we start being who we really are we start lives based on being genuine, rather than all of those shoulds.
Confidence is self-belief. You can be loud and confident or quiet and confident. If you think you have to be a certain type of person in order to be confident, then you are doing yourself a disservice. Confidence is in everyone and unique to us all.
If you are living in the shoulds and oughts…. living a fake life, you feel disconnected from yourself and others. In the words of the American Coach, Tony Robbins “stop should-ing all over yourself!”. Jo helps people decipher between the shoulds and the coulds. Jo’s father spent 30yrs in a job he hated in order to retire but he died unexpectedly at 55 and never got to retire – this was a great lesson for Jo.
Shoulds are more dangerous when it comes to our emotional lives. This is where people loose their sense of self.
Confidence in its purest form is the sense that whatever happens you will find a way to deal with it. Lack of confidence is a fear of life, a fear of feeling negative feelings or a fear of what the future might bring. If you are on the worry train it just goes around and around and you get caught up in fear.
Fear is the thing that hasn’t yet happened and the belief that you can’t cope. People may have plenty of evidence from the past that demonstrates that they can cope and muddle through difficult times, but they believing the lie that they can’t. People may be stuck in the future based upon something that happened in the past and Jo’s job is to bring them into the moment. The future never arrives it is just the now.
Jo is interested in helping her clients understand the thought process behind the lack of confidence. If you think other peoples opinion of you is more important that yours – that is what you need to do business with.
Of course peoples opinions matter but they shouldn’t matter more than your own. Jo does not feel that she is in competition with anyone else any more. Jo is doing her thing that she happens to be great at and loves and it’s an enormous pleasure for her to help other people find their thing. She is not fighting with others to be better than them, she is just being herself, running her own race.
Jo has written a book “Flying for beginners”. It’s a short book about managing the voices in your head so that you can fly free of them. Managing and dealing with the negative chatter to create a more confident relationship with yourself and a more authentic relationship with the people you meet.
We need to find, identify and grow the wiser voice within us so that we have a choice in every moment. Am I going to listen to this fear and negativity or am I going to choose to believe something kinder, wiser or more objective? Our inner critique is there to help us survive but when it comes to our emotional lives it often speaks out of term.
www.jo-emerson.com Go to Jo’s website to read the 10 questions to help those people who have never experienced coaching before.
Listen to our podcast with Jo Emerson.